Category Archives: humor

Man Goes Bankrupt After Refusing to Sign Check

Local resident Calvin deKlein declared bankruptcy today after refusing to sign a check that would have paid off the debt for him. deKlein was reportedly heard muttering, “If I sign the check, it means I did all the work.”

Judge Peyda Piper says she has never come across a case like this before. “I repeatedly asked deKlein why he refused to sign the check, and he was unable to provide a coherent answer.”

Wealthy philanthropist Jesse Pagotodo was left shaking his head. “I wrote the check out to deKlein, put it in his hand, and even drove him to the bank.  But he refused to sign it when we arrived”.  Pagotodo went on to say. “I don’t know what else he expected me to do, I couldn’t sign the check for him, that would have been forgery.”

78 Comments

Filed under Arminianism, Calvinism, humor

Arminian Sign Guy at the Presbyterian Church?

Is there an Arminian guy at the Presbyterian church?  From King 5, Seattle.

seahawks

3 Comments

Filed under humor

Who Has The Best Fur Coat? [Humor]

I’m not a big fan of John Calvin, but do have to admit he had some pretty awesome fashion sense.  But there are also other worthy contenders in the category of style.  Vote below for who you think has the best fur coat.

Note: this poll is for fashion presence only, not theology!  So even if you think the other contenders have better theology than Calvin, try to not let that influence your vote.

Six Ways Calvin is Better than Arminiusjoe-namath-fur-jacket-at-super-bowl-2014-photosa02cruella-deville

4 Comments

Filed under humor

Hitler Finds out Arminian Theology is True

So I did one of those Hitler finds out videos. Hope you enjoy it. :)

Note: There is a typo where Hitler says “closet Catholics”. But I don’t want to redo the video or it will kill the original link on YouTube.

27 Comments

Filed under Arminianism, Calvinism, humor

A Better Acronym than TULIP?

MUPPET

HT: Society of Evangelical Arminians

3 Comments

Filed under Calvinism, humor

Calvinist Christmas Songs – Humor

Some of these are mine, but most are stolen from the twitter hash  #CalvinistChristmasSongs.

——————————————————————————–

Joy to the Elect

Deck the Shelves With Books by Piper

Good Christian Men Read Boice

Oh Come All Ye Chosen

Servetus Roasting on an Open Fire

All I want for Christmas is my ESV

I Saw Edwards Dissing Santa Claus

Last Christmas You Gave You My Heart

Grandma Got Run Over Because It Was Predestined

I’m Dreaming of a James White Christmas

Little Driscoll Boy

“He’s making a list, checking it twice, gunna decide who’s naughty and nice.”

Have Yourself a Merry Little Conference (for MacArthur fans)

 

3 Comments

Filed under humor, Uncategorized

Arminians Under Calvin’s Bed – Humor

Thought I’d have a little fun. These are in reference to the Calvinist Children’s book: Help, Mom! There are Arminians Under My Bed!  Apologies to Bill Watterson. :)

CALVIN_AND_HOBBES

5 Comments

Filed under humor

Help, Mom! There are Arminians Under My Bed!

Calvinist bedtime reading?  Or just a paranoid Turk with poor spelling?

Amazon: Help, Mom! There are Arminians Under My Bed!

 

 

14 Comments

Filed under Arminianism, Calvinism, humor

Top 10 Movie Proofs that Calvinism is False (Humor)

This post is intended to be fun, and of course does not represent what Calvinists or Arminians really believe.

Top 10 Movie Proofs that Calvinism is False

10.  Doc’s DeLorean in “Back to the Future” makes it impossible to decree a fixed future.

9.  Calvinism says all are depraved, yet Spiderman is good. Ergo, Calvinism is false.

8. Dorothy proves the center of the universe is Kansas, not Geneva.  Perhaps not coincidentally, Nazarene Theological Seminary is in Kansas City.*

7. Mama says “life is like a box of chocolates”.  It’s a mystery as to how and why this is relevant, but it definitely proves that Arminianism is true.  If you disagree, remember, don’t talk back to God.

6. Frodo (and Gollum) destroyed the precious,  evil is already gone. Tricksy Hobitses.

5. The Oompa Loompas never mention Calvin in their songs.

4. As long as he keeps his helmet on, Magneto is immune to mind control, making “irresistable grace” impossible.

3. Do you feel lucky?  Do you punk? If you feel lucky,  you have proven that election is based on a condition.  The same is true if you don’t feel lucky.

2. Han Solo proves there are six “Solos”, not five.

1. The hero in “The Princes Bride” is Wesley, not Calvin.  Any other conclusion would be inconceivable.

 

 

—————————

*NTS is actually in Kansas City, Missouri.  Close though. :)

15 Comments

Filed under humor

Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road? (humor)

Greg Boyd: It’s a possibility that the chicken crossed the road.

Rick Warren: The chicken was purpose driven.

Mark Driscoll: Because of the rooster’s leadership.

Rachel Held Evans:  We’re talking about chickens here, not pigs.

Pelagius: Because the chicken was able to.

John Piper: God decreed the event to maximize his glory.

Irenaeus: The glory of God is the chicken fully alive.

C.S. Lewis: If a chicken finds itself with a desire that nothing on this side can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that it was created for the other side.

Billy Graham: The chicken was surrendering all.

Pluralist: The chicken took one of many equally valid roads.

Universalist: All chickens cross the road.

Annihilationist: The chicken was hit by a car and ceased to exist.

Fred Phelps: God hates chickens.

Martin Luther: The chicken was leaving Rome.

Tim LaHaye: The chicken didn’t want to be left behind.

Harold Camping: Don’t count your chickens until they’ve hatched.

James White: I reject chicken centered eisegesis.

John Wesley: The chicken’s heart was strangely warmed.

Thomas: I won’t believe the chicken crossed unless I see it with my own eyes.

Philip: The chicken teleported to the other side.

Rob Bell: The chicken. Crossed the road. To get. Cool glasses.

34 Comments

Filed under humor