Greg Boyd: It’s a possibility that the chicken crossed the road.
Rick Warren: The chicken was purpose driven.
Mark Driscoll: Because of the rooster’s leadership.
Rachel Held Evans: We’re talking about chickens here, not pigs.
Pelagius: Because the chicken was able to.
John Piper: God decreed the event to maximize his glory.
Irenaeus: The glory of God is the chicken fully alive.
C.S. Lewis: If a chicken finds itself with a desire that nothing on this side can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that it was created for the other side.
Billy Graham: The chicken was surrendering all.
Pluralist: The chicken took one of many equally valid roads.
Universalist: All chickens cross the road.
Annihilationist: The chicken was hit by a car and ceased to exist.
Fred Phelps: God hates chickens.
Martin Luther: The chicken was leaving Rome.
Tim LaHaye: The chicken didn’t want to be left behind.
Harold Camping: Don’t count your chickens until they’ve hatched.
James White: I reject chicken centered eisegesis.
John Wesley: The chicken’s heart was strangely warmed.
Thomas: I won’t believe the chicken crossed unless I see it with my own eyes.
Philip: The chicken teleported to the other side.
Rob Bell: The chicken. Crossed the road. To get. Cool glasses.