Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road? (humor)

Greg Boyd: It’s a possibility that the chicken crossed the road.

Rick Warren: The chicken was purpose driven.

Mark Driscoll: Because of the rooster’s leadership.

Rachel Held Evans:  We’re talking about chickens here, not pigs.

Pelagius: Because the chicken was able to.

John Piper: God decreed the event to maximize his glory.

Irenaeus: The glory of God is the chicken fully alive.

C.S. Lewis: If a chicken finds itself with a desire that nothing on this side can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that it was created for the other side.

Billy Graham: The chicken was surrendering all.

Pluralist: The chicken took one of many equally valid roads.

Universalist: All chickens cross the road.

Annihilationist: The chicken was hit by a car and ceased to exist.

Fred Phelps: God hates chickens.

Martin Luther: The chicken was leaving Rome.

Tim LaHaye: The chicken didn’t want to be left behind.

Harold Camping: Don’t count your chickens until they’ve hatched.

James White: I reject chicken centered eisegesis.

John Wesley: The chicken’s heart was strangely warmed.

Thomas: I won’t believe the chicken crossed unless I see it with my own eyes.

Philip: The chicken teleported to the other side.

Rob Bell: The chicken. Crossed the road. To get. Cool glasses.


Filed under humor

34 responses to “Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road? (humor)

  1. Joel Osteen: The chicken crossed the road to maximize his personal fulfillment so they he could be all that God created him to be.

  2. Credfro Dollar: God told the chicken that if he clucked, “That land across the road is mine!,” he could claim it. He crossed the road to take possession.

  3. Roger Olson: The chicken recognizes no clear evangelical boundries.

  4. drwayman

    Peter – What chicken? What road? Never knew a chicken!! (rooster crows)

    Ezekiel – God revived those chicken bones and then they crossed the road.

    Paul – The chicken went to sleep and fell out the window only to be able to cross the road

  5. TD Jakes: A manifestation of the Chicken crossed the road for his blessings.

    Driscoll: A “bleeping” chicken crossed the road to go get a beer.

    Jim Wallis: The poor chicken was fleeing fundamentalists.

    Gary Demar: The chicken was fleeing the destruction of Jerusalem in AD 70. That’s it.

  6. Jim Wallis: The chicken is an organizer for Occupy Barnyard.

    Emergent: For this chicken, its not the destination that’s important. Its the journey itself.

    Christian Pacifist: This is clearly an act of barnyard aggression that is condemned in the Sermon on the Mount.

    N.T. Wright: This act of the chicken, which would be unthinkable in British barnyards, reeks of that American individualism that is destructive to community.

  7. bethyada

    The Lewis quip is the best

  8. Al Mohler: When a chicken begins to think theologically, he has no other alternative but to come over to the Calvinist side.

  9. Pingback: Why did the Chicken Cross the Road? Answered Theologically « anti-itch meditation

  10. Lee

    Bill Gaither: The chicken obviously saw something beautiful, something good, on the other side of the road.

  11. slw

    Freud: This whole exercise is obviously driven by chicken envy

  12. drwayman

    Moses – He was going to the Promised Land

  13. drwayman

    Jesus: Those who love this side of the road will lose it. Whoever
    leaves this side of the road will keep their life for all eternity.

  14. Mark

    William Lane Craig: With God’s exhaustive “Middle Knowledge” He has created the perfect set of circumstances whereby the maximall number of chickens will freely choose to cross the road.

  15. Juan

    Ray Comfort: Are you a good chicken?

  16. Mark the Reformed Guy

    Michael Horton: The chicken was forsaking the kingdom of this world to live solely in the Kingdom of Christ.

  17. Sungyak

    John Frame: The chicken had an existential need to change its situation according to a new norm.

  18. Stewart Brand: The chicken wants to be free.

  19. George Bush: You’re either with the chicken, or you’re with the terrorists.

  20. lemacd

    jeremiah wright: the chicken went home to roost…

  21. SBC Traditionalist: Because that may walk like a chicken, cluck like a chicken and lay a chicken-type egg in the middle of the barnyard…but it’s still not a chicken no matter what the historical definition. It’s a non-duck.

  22. earl

    Really good! Colonel Sanders says roadkill means fried chicken on Sunday when the preacher comes.

  23. Pingback: Society of Evangelical Arminians | Theologians Explain Why the Chicken Crossed the Road (Humor)

  24. Richard Coords told me this one of what the answer of John Gill might be. “The chicken crossed the road so that God would be most glorified, having determined that the chicken would cross the road, even from all eternity. But the chicken getting run over, is not God’s responsibility, even though God determined that the chicken would cross the road, and rendered it certain, which is because the chicken acted within the confines of his own compatibilistic free will, and hence the demise of the chicken is entirely his own fault, even though the chicken could only act according to the sovereign will. The chicken perishes not only of his own fault, but also to the glory of God, since even the wrath of the chicken will praise God. Soli Deo Gloria.”

  25. John Darby: The Dispensation of the chicken on that side of the road was coming to an end, and it was going over to the other side in preparation of being raptured.

    Jack Chick: The chicken was fleeing the satanic Catholic wafer that was offered to him and he ran toward the glowing faceless Jesus on the other side, after he said the sinner’s prayer and believed only in the King James Bible.

    Joseph Smith: The chicken found some strange golden tablets out in the woods written in Reformed Egyptian, that told of the lost ten tribes of chicken coming to that land and fighting a war. The chicken then went on to marry many underage hens and convert other chickens (encouraging them to marry many underage hens as well), and were forced to cross many roads until they finally found a home out in the middle of the desert where few roads existed.

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