Sexual Purity – A Post for Men

Dale Wayman (a fellow Arminian blogger) has started a blog about men being real men.  It is dedicated to helping men avoid sexual temptation.  It can be found here: Iron Strikes. Be sure to check it out, he has some great insights.

I desire to be sexually pure. I want to be faithful to God, to my wife, to my family,  to my church, and to folks who read the blog. Here are some disciplines that I have found to help me to flee sexual temptation. These are not hard fast rules, each man is different, but this is what works for me.

Stay Close to God
I ask God to help me. I ask him to renew my mind. I ask him to keep the enemy away. I ask him to purify my sub conscience. I ask him to show me lies that I have believed, that have warped my sexuality. I ask him to heal me. He is faithful.  Staying close to God mean listening to His voice.  He knows when I’m tempted, and desires to protect me.  Staying close to God requires setting aside my rights.  If I sense a prompting from the Spirit to do something (like turn off the computer), I need to do it.  Staying close to God also means staying close to others who care – particularly my wife.

Be Accountable to my Wife
Almost every day my wife asks me this question, “Have you been good?”  Implicit in her question is whether or not I have looked at pornography or have entertained lustful thoughts. I can’t lie to my wife, and she can sense if I’m not fully honest.  So she keeps me accountable. I’m  thankful that I have a strong and confident wife who has the courage and strength to ask me these sorts of questions.  Word to the men out there: you can’t go alone.  You need someone else to keep you accountable.   If this issue is too hurtful for your wife (or if you’re single), you need some like-minded Christian men to keep you accountable.

Go to Bed on Time
This is kind of a no brainer, but it works. I’m most likely to be tempted when everyone else has gone to bed and when I’m tired.  If I go to bed on time, I avoid the temptation.  If I do happen to stay up late, my wife knows to ask me the question above.

Spend Time With My Wife and Family
One aspect of my personality is that I tend to focus exclusively on one thing at a time (like blogging!). Being focused is good when I want to accomplish a task, but it’s bad when it results in neglecting my family. It is a trait that can also lend itself to a selfish inward bent. And that bent leads to temptation.  So it’s important for me to set aside time to spend with my wife and family.  It results in stronger relationships with them, and keeps me from temptation.

Avoid the Triggers
There are certain triggers for sexual temptations.  With some deliberate planning I can usually avoid those triggers. The example above (going to bed) is one of them. Here’s another example: I enjoy reading news online. Some good news sites also promote articles on the side that trigger temptation for me – typically stuff about celebrities or fashion or whatever. Some of the worst are the English/UK news sites. So I liberally apply firefox addblock to block all of the images on those sites. No images, no trigger, and I can still read the news. Your triggers may be different, and you know what they are.  If not, ask God, and he will point them out to you.  Identify them and plan accordingly.


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8 Comments

Filed under Sexual Purity

8 responses to “Sexual Purity – A Post for Men

  1. Men get blindsided too often. Avoiding the triggers will not keep triggers from going off. And, it can be a surprise. Sometimes people get confused: a close personal relationship with an opposite gender person becomes sexual. Because it’s not porno and it’s deeply personal, it seems okay — the guy may even start to think of it as “God’s will.” Adultery stems from what is perceived at the time to be “love.” But, unrequited love is part of life. Commitments are more important than feelings — though it almost never feels that way at the time. I’m just thinking that the guidelines above will probably not head off actual adultery.

    • Very good points Craig. My post here had pornography in mind, but you’re absolutely right. Men need to have identified boundaries in their relationships with those of the opposite sex. This is especially true of pastors and counselors (whose job put’s them in some difficult situations).

  2. Kevin – Thanks for the plug. Do you mind if, in the future, I reprint this on my website, giving you full credit and plugging your blog?

    You’ve got some good practical stuff here :-)

  3. Tom Maloley

    Thanks Kevin, good post! A very important topic to keep bringing up because even though it is the nearly universal struggle men it is easy and comfortable act like we’ve got it all together. I can definitely relate and have benefitted from much of what you said in my own life, and learned some good tips from you, too.

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