Killing Ants

When I was a kid I used to get a lot of enjoyment from killing ants. I loved to stir up their hills and stomp on them.  Sometimes I would burn the loathsome insects with a magnifying glass.  A favorite method of ant termination was to flood their hills with water. It was satisfying to watch them struggle and drown.

After starting a flood I would sometimes stick a twig in the water to let a few special ants out.  They weren’t special because of anything they had done, but because I chose to let them live.   It was always first necessary to terminate a massive numbers of ants before showing any mercy.  I needed to express my attribute of wrath, and the elect ants had to appreciate that they were living because of my good pleasure.

Keep in mind that all of the ants I killed had it coming.  Ants bite even when you command them not to.

You might wonder how the ants felt about all this?   They were no doubt in awe and reverence that I let  any of them live.  I could have killed them all, but instead I maximized my glory by letting a few of them live.  I could also make up whatever rules I felt like, because I had the power to.   If the ants didn’t like it, they could always talk to the heal of my shoe.

I had two wills regarding the ants. My revealed will was that I really loved the ants and didn’t want any of them to die.   My secret will was that I hated ants and wanted to kill them. If that seems paradoxical, that’s because it’s necessary to distinguish between what I wanted to have happen and what I willed to have happen.

If all this is still confusing, remember, the mind of a grade-schooler is a mystery.

[For those who are concerned, the ant sadism can be traced to two events. 1) In kindergarten I blundered into a rather large red ant hill. This did not work out too well for me. 2) When I was in fifth grade I read a short story called Leiningen Versus the Ants. Read that story and you will hate ants too.  It was providential that Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull had not yet been released, or NO ants would have survived.]



Filed under Calvinism, Election, satire

14 responses to “Killing Ants

  1. slw

    You had me worried there for a second, then it all worked out fine. I’d bet there’s an analogy in that as well.

    Hope you’re feeling better, oh, mighty ant slayer.

  2. Thanks SLW, I am feeling better. This is just a story, there is no analogy. ;)

  3. For those interested, there is an old game called “Sim Ant”. The nice thing about Sim Ant is that it lets you create a whole ant world from scratch, and then of course you can destroy it at your whim.

  4. St.Ray

    Brilliant analogy, thanks for posting this. I’m filing it under ‘yrr conversation starters’.

  5. When I was a kid I played with ants in my backyard. I even gave their nests biblical names such as Babylon the Great. But alas, I too destroyed as many of them as possible to please myself.

  6. As a childhood terrorizer of ants myself, and one who has struggled from time to time with Calvin’s God, I appreciated this post. Thinking back to those childhhod days, what always used to nag my uncatechised mind after a sadistic ant offensive was the thought, ‘what terror awaits me after death if God is an ant?!’

  7. Kent

    This is somewhat the kind of god I learned from my former Calvinist church (Reformed Baptist Church). It is so hard to believe that a god like this is really good.

    To be honest, because I believed in a god pictured in the story, I really thought that “maybe that is why Satan rebelled against God. Who would not rebel against a God like this!”

    Before all this, I was saved by reading the Bible. For more than a year, I was SOO bothered about me being a sinner, even though I was practically blameless outwardly. I could control my actions but not my thoughts, desires etc. This went on until I finally saw myself helpless and hopeless to save myself, that I was a sinner worthy of God’s judgment. i told God: “God you have every right to judge me because I am a sinner. But please have mercy on me!”

    A week later, I was reading my Bible, Romans 3 to 4. And it was so clear to me. I could only be righteous in God’s eyes through faith in Christ. I did trust Christ and I was so filled with love, peace and joy. I felt so much love from God in my heart and I could not help it but love Him too.

    Then I was introduced to this kind of god and there began my downhill slide. I backslided for years even to a point of entertaining thoughts of atheism and searching for the true God in other religions.

    But thanks to Arminianism (the true Bible teaching about God), I recovered!!! Going two months now!!! My wife is so happy about the change in my life. So happy that she even suggested that we name our son Jacob Arminius!!! (That’s too much).

    Sorry Keven for expressing myself again here. Reading your article somewhat made me emotional. It reminded me of the false god of Calvinism.

    Thanks for bearing with me Kev!!! Again thanks for your website. My wife is worried why I stay up so late in the evening reading about these things. She told me to get some rest. I wanted to know about Arminianism so much. As I told Will Birch, in this sense Arminianism is bad for my health.

  8. Great stuff Kevin. I just now got to reading some of your satire, you are a funny guy. Makes great points…

    My own experience with ants was a little different. They offered an opportunity for God’s prevenient grace. In fact, you even commented on it:

  9. Pingback: Society of Evangelical Arminians | Killing Ants

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