Greg Boyd: It’s a possibility that the chicken crossed the road.
Rick Warren: The chicken was purpose driven.
Mark Driscoll: Because of the rooster’s leadership.
Rachel Held Evans: We’re talking about chickens here, not pigs.
Pelagius: Because the chicken was able to.
John Piper: God decreed the event to maximize his glory.
Irenaeus: The glory of God is the chicken fully alive.
C.S. Lewis: If a chicken finds itself with a desire that nothing on this side can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that it was created for the other side.
Billy Graham: The chicken was surrendering all.
Pluralist: The chicken took one of many equally valid roads.
Universalist: All chickens cross the road.
Annihilationist: The chicken was hit by a car and ceased to exist.
Fred Phelps: God hates chickens.
Martin Luther: The chicken was leaving Rome.
Tim LaHaye: The chicken didn’t want to be left behind.
Harold Camping: Don’t count your chickens until they’ve hatched.
James White: I reject chicken centered eisegesis.
John Wesley: The chicken’s heart was strangely warmed.
Thomas: I won’t believe the chicken crossed unless I see it with my own eyes.
Philip: The chicken teleported to the other side.
Rob Bell: The chicken. Crossed the road. To get. Cool glasses.
Joel Osteen: The chicken crossed the road to maximize his personal fulfillment so they he could be all that God created him to be.
Credfro Dollar: God told the chicken that if he clucked, “That land across the road is mine!,” he could claim it. He crossed the road to take possession.
love it. :)
Roger Olson: The chicken recognizes no clear evangelical boundries.
Peter – What chicken? What road? Never knew a chicken!! (rooster crows)
Ezekiel – God revived those chicken bones and then they crossed the road.
Paul – The chicken went to sleep and fell out the window only to be able to cross the road
very nice. :)
TD Jakes: A manifestation of the Chicken crossed the road for his blessings.
Driscoll: A “bleeping” chicken crossed the road to go get a beer.
Jim Wallis: The poor chicken was fleeing fundamentalists.
Gary Demar: The chicken was fleeing the destruction of Jerusalem in AD 70. That’s it.
Excellent, I like your Driscoll better than mine.
Jim Wallis: The chicken is an organizer for Occupy Barnyard.
Emergent: For this chicken, its not the destination that’s important. Its the journey itself.
Christian Pacifist: This is clearly an act of barnyard aggression that is condemned in the Sermon on the Mount.
N.T. Wright: This act of the chicken, which would be unthinkable in British barnyards, reeks of that American individualism that is destructive to community.
You’re on a roll!
This exercise has done wonders for my dormant intellect!
The Lewis quip is the best
Al Mohler: When a chicken begins to think theologically, he has no other alternative but to come over to the Calvinist side.
Pingback: Why did the Chicken Cross the Road? Answered Theologically « anti-itch meditation
Bill Gaither: The chicken obviously saw something beautiful, something good, on the other side of the road.
Freud: This whole exercise is obviously driven by chicken envy
Moses – He was going to the Promised Land
Jesus: Those who love this side of the road will lose it. Whoever
leaves this side of the road will keep their life for all eternity.
William Lane Craig: With God’s exhaustive “Middle Knowledge” He has created the perfect set of circumstances whereby the maximall number of chickens will freely choose to cross the road.
Ray Comfort: Are you a good chicken?
Michael Horton: The chicken was forsaking the kingdom of this world to live solely in the Kingdom of Christ.
John Frame: The chicken had an existential need to change its situation according to a new norm.
Stewart Brand: The chicken wants to be free.
George Bush: You’re either with the chicken, or you’re with the terrorists.
jeremiah wright: the chicken went home to roost…
SBC Traditionalist: Because that may walk like a chicken, cluck like a chicken and lay a chicken-type egg in the middle of the barnyard…but it’s still not a chicken no matter what the historical definition. It’s a non-duck.
Really good! Colonel Sanders says roadkill means fried chicken on Sunday when the preacher comes.